Ok NOW let's talk about boys.

THE NUMBER LINE THEORY.

In a nutshell, and in reference to the previous post, my original monologue / rant was about "nice guys." A friend of mine was ALWAYS complaining about how women don't really WANT "nice guys." About how HE is a "nice guy" and HE can't get a date to save his life! While we're solving mysteries tonight, let me put this out there and see what you think...

NOT being an Asshole DOESN'T make you a Nice Guy.

It's math folks, and you can't argue with math.

Check out the number line, go ahead. I'll wait while you recall your elementary school math textbook. The number line is a tool to help us visualize the progress of numbers from negative to positive numbers. The key piece is in the middle of this line.

NOT being a negative number doesn't automatically make you positive number. It makes you zero. Zero is boring. Important, surely! And boring.

This is not my theory, really, it comes up in other disciplines; philosophy and art for sure! Is the color black just the absence of other colors? Does the absence of virtue mean that one is full of vice? I'm just applying it to a practical matter. It takes EFFORT to move off of zero into positive numbers! I will say this; a woman will date a negative instead of a zero any day of the week. At least there will be something going on! AND, most women will choose a legitimate positive over a negative just as frequently.

~~~~~

Here's what's going on: I said goodbye today to a friend of mine, who, in my opinion, handled his leaving very poorly. AND, while it makes sense to assume that I don't have ~ perhaps ~ the most objective view about it, I don't have one friend (including my mother!) who doesn't want to punch him in the neck.

allright...THEY may not be so objective either...point taken.

But really, this event is just the catalyst to a larger realization. This event, and one that happened just prior to it. Here's the revelation: a lot of men are just flat out cowards. Now. I realize that for most of you, myself included, this ISN'T news.

"...but, Samantha," you might be saying, "you JUST said 'here's the revelation.' You JUST said it...by definition, it's news to you."

Fear not ~ I have not lost my sense of reason. Listen, for soon you will understand the rationale. It's NOT news in the oh-my-goodness-that's-brand-spankin'-new-information!-oh-my-stars! It IS, however, a revelation in the wait-that's-REALLY-true!-not-in-a-kinda-cute-'he's-not-that-into-you'-way.

Truly cowardly. They mean it! They would rather chew their own arm off than tell you anything that might be hurtful/awkward/lead to ANY sort of conversation where they may be cast as "The Bad Guy." That's ridiculous, gentlemen. I mean, really ridiculous. Why on EARTH are you sacrificing your own happiness and peace of mind to avoid saying things that need to be said.

and SINCE I'm speaking to you, here's a twist: You cannot have it both ways. You can NOT insist that you enjoy the chase, to stalk and prey on a weaker creature, and then be f*cking SCARED to TALK TO ME!! I'm calling an end to it, right now. Here. You are released. The truth is out now, you may as well enjoy it.

Because it isn't about the chase, is it? C'mon, you can admit it. It isn't. ADDITIONAL THEORY ALERT*** It's about wanting things on your own timeline. It's not about "the chase" at all, it's about getting what you want when you want it and not at ALL before. Clever fellows, you have all kinds of really bright people believing this "chase" nonsense...researchers, anthropologists, women. All believing that it's some sort of instinct in the reptilian part of your brain.

If it IS some instinct, then it's an instinct to want what you want when you want it! And who doesn't? We ALL have that toddler in there somewhere. It's a lovely idea.

But then won't you please own up to it? Please? It just goes to support the coward part that started the whole thing if you don't 'fess up.

I know that this doesn't apply to ALL men. At least, I'm choosing to believe that. I suppose the reptilian part of MY brain is saying, "Yesssss it doesssss...ssssome of them are jussssst over it." And if that's the case, well, good for you. At least you've gotten over it. Grown out of it. Whatever it is that happens.

With much love and respect to E.H., mine is always improv. Let the Rules of Improv guide you, children. Make Statements, kids, say the thing. It's better to say the thing.

...you too, ladies... After all, what are WE afraid of? They can't even SPEAK to us.





Phrases I think should go away:

Anything that is "text" that is crossing over to actual speech, i.e.: "o.m.g." This is to signify Oh My Go(d)/(sh), depending. Three words are not hard to say. What "omg" looks like is a guru who is meditating and has a cold.

"Do you want some fries with that?" as a way to express a lack of success. Some very successful folks start with a job in food service.

I have a silly little pipe dream that we'll be able to do away with "like" except in grammatically correct situations...and I recognize that it's just a dream...